Gimme Gimme Gimme!

I'm coming for you, Rome ..... and your little wolf too!

I came across someone the other day asking for “reparations” for slavery.  Now there is no doubt that slavery is wrong, insidious and reprehensible no matter where or when it occurs.  Since it is now and has always been inherently wrong, there is no reason to believe that is more reprehensible in one historical era than another.  However, the argument made by some individuals today that there should be an award for damages or “reparations” for the past wrongs done their ancestors may have merit for us all.  I say this since virtually every ethnicity on this planet has been at some point someone’s slave.

As a full blooded Sicilian I can claim ancestry to the peoples of Carthage (Northern Coast of Africa), Greece, Phoenicia and God only knows where else.  The owners of my ancestors were most likely Roman, though force servitude also existed under the English, Spanish and French as everyone had their fingers in the Sicilian pie.  This having been said allow me to make my demands now for “reparations.”  They are simple and fair,.

 From the Romans, I should like a Villa near San Gimignano with full free board and spa privileges at Saturnia.

 From the French, I am requesting an apartment at least 750 Sq. Meters in size in the Latin Quarter or Montmartre.

From the Spanish, I’ll be asking for tapas, lots of tapas whenever I want them.

From the English, well, I just want them to go away, but leave Shakespeare and Monty Python.

 OK, so there are my demands on behalf of my ancestors who suffered under the yoke of slavery at the hands of foreigners who usurped their rights and assaulted their humanity. Tobe will be handling the details, so come on Rome, France, Spain and England – get with it – chop – chop!

R I P VELMA

Timmy & Tobe

Tobe is sad to report that Velma Fawnskin who portrayed Bumbi's mother in "Man In My Forest", "Eat My Venison", and "Buck Me Like You Mean It" was found dead today in the southwest corner of his backyard in El Cerrito. A Rottweiler and his or her pup was seen near the carcas. It is unknown if the canines were actually responsible for her death of if she was the victim of other possible natural ailments. She was reportedly in consideration for a remake of the classic "A Fence Too High." Tobe was heard to comment: "Velma's loss will be felt, though the stench of her rotting, bloated, insect ridden corpse will linger for several more days." :(

TOBE GOES ON A CFS INVESTIGATION

For Father’s Day I received a delightful gift of a little stuffed hedgehog named Tobe.  My daughter has a similar one named Timmy.  (See picture below.) Tobe is his brother and came with excellent references. In keeping with our anthropomorphizing, Tobe and Timmy are as far as we are concerned REAL with personalities and the whole nine yards. Never mind that you can’t understand them’ my daughter and I do.  Anyway since animals stuffed and otherwise are a great way to get kids to open up I decided to take Tobe with me on an investigation.

Tobe wasn’t too certain about cruising the less fashionable parts of Richmond, but he doesn’t like seeing kids abused or neglected so he figured he’d do his part. This was a REAL face to face contact with a 5 year old boy. It was a general neglect complaint alleging that the house was filthy and uninhabitable. I saw the kid at the Y. Mom was at her sister's house since the city Red Tagged her house. (Spew.)

Me:        Hi. My name is *** and I’m from Children’s Services, but don’t worry

              you’re not going any where and no one is in trouble. We're just going to talk.

      
Kid:     What’s that? (Pointing to Tobe.)
          
Me:        This is my friend. His name is Tobe.
         
Kid:       Is he a rat?
   
Me:        No. He’s a hedgehog.
          
Kid:       Is they rats?

Me:        Well only the ones named Walter! (Ha, ha, ha.)

Kid:       He look like a rat!

Me:        Well he’s NOT a rat. Are you Tobe?

Kid:       We gots rats but they gots tails. Your rat ain’t got no tail.

Me:        That’s because he’s a hedgehog and NOT a rat.

Kid:     We gots roaches too! My momma say it not her fault. It the landlord fault.

            The rats they eats the roaches. Your rat eats the roaches.

Me:      We don’t have any roaches and Tobe is NOT a Rat. (aside) Feel free to jump
             in any time Tobe.

Tobe:  (Just smiles)

Kid:     Dem rats eats my momma’s weed and she got heckapissed and started
            hitting Deshaun with da strap ‘cause she think he do it. But I told her it was dem
            rats ‘cause I saw dem eating that big bag she gots in the closet. Your rat eats the
            weed?

Me:        Look HE’s NOT a FFFFrrrrrrr rat. For the last time Tobe is a hedgehog!

Kid:       Hedge Hog? He don’t look like no pig. He look like a rat!

Me:        Never mind the pig ....... the rat..... never mind Tobe! Who’s Deshaun?

Kid:       He my dog.

Me:        Does he have a tail?

Kid:       Yeah he have a tail.

Me:        You sure he ain’t no rat?

             

I think Tobe and I made our point! Who da hedgehog?

Below are Timmy (on the left) and Tobe Fredo on the right.

Tobe is Fredo the light and Timmy is Fredo the dark.

Walter on the Lamb!

When my child was very small her mother and I took to anthropomorphizing all of her stuffed animals. They had names. They had back stories. They had lives. So it was no surprise that when I acquired a stuffed hedgehog he also came with a name, a back story and a life. What I did not realize was that he also had history. Had I known that, perhaps I would not have made him a roommate. At the least I would have done a background check. Well I didn’t and here’s what follows.

Walter.... excuse me Kunta Kinka III (Turns out Walter was his slave name) is on the lamb. Oakland PD was looking for him shortly after he was seen on video selling Ganja at the Mac Arthur Bart stop. I kind of let him have his own space lately. I thought he was just having a personal crisis so I didn't put 2 and 2 together and when he told me that the 12 packs of Zigzags were really hedgehog toilet paper I didn't question it. Maybe I should have. He seemed to be coming and going a lot and trying to find himself. He was frustrated at not being able to braid his quills into dreadlocks. His Rastafarian thing was OK for a while even if he did sound like Miss Cleo, but then he got on his 'Hedge Hog Power' trip and started asking for reparations, section 8 and a civil servant position with the Feds. I kept telling him he wasn't qualified for most of the positions he wanted and he said "200 years of working for the man” qualified him and I could “no longer oppress him." I asked him "Well what about the Indians? They were here first and they are oppressed shouldn't we give any Fed jobs to THEM FIRST?" He said his people were not here when they were being oppressed. I said "Exactly!" I pointed out our people were not here when his people were getting oppressed, but he wouldn't hear it. He stormed out close fist (paw?) with his little fore arm extended (which was really kind of a challenge I mean to walk on only 3 legs) singing "We Shall Overcome." When the cops came by they said that Walter, sorry, Kunta actually was suspected in other crimes, He was seen on 14'th and Mac Arthur pimping out underage hamsters. He was using an alias of Walter X for a while. I wonder about all the other Walters out there. Walters, Walters everywhere and not a one can think! Maybe Walter will show up and change his life. Maybe he'll take responsibility for his action since that is the only real power we have. Maybe he'll stop trying to live on the sacrifices of others and make some of his own. Maybe he'll honor those that came before him by using all that God has given him to the best of his ability. Maybe he'll realize we are only special when do special things for the benefit of others. Maybe he'll realize this, maybe not. We'll hope for the best, but I just can't help feeling that I'll soon be looking out the window across the bay at Walter's new home at "Hotel Saint Q." I'll keep you informed.